幻想神域-源神啟動 X Pan Piano テーマ曲 [ピアノ]

I've watched every single video, rewatched some dozens of times, and I've donated over $8,000 to her. That's not even counting the money I spent on her patreon as the highest tier 100 dollars a month just to access more thought she'd notice. But nothing. Not a single message.

2.75 MB PNG content. I thought that meant something. I

Not even a "thank you." Just silence. Like I don't exist.

Maybe I don't.

The truth is, my life ended when I was 14. That was when my girlfriend at the time saw it. The botched circumcision. She told everyone. The entire school. Overnight, I became a freak. I was the kid with the mutilated dick, the guy no girl would ever touch. I stopped trying. I stopped living.

Now I'm in my mid-20s, still a loser, still alone. I don't work-I don't see the point. My parents nag me, but I don't care. I take money from them when I can, partially to get back at them for everything they did to me. Mostly, though, I use it to donate to her. At least then, I feel something. At least then, it feels like I have a purpose.

But I can't keep living like this. I don't just want to watch her anymore. I want to meet her. To tell her everything. I want her to understand what she means to me. I've given her so much. I deserve something in return, don't I? A message? A meeting? A chance?

How do I do it? How do I get her to notice me? Or is that just another impossible dream, like everything else in my life?